In college, I could stay out until 3:00 AM, grab a few hours of sleep, roll out of bed at 8:00 AM with a slight hangover, throw on whatever clothes were clean, inhale half a granola bar, and somehow function like a normal human being.
Now? If I'm not in bed by 10:00 PM, tomorrow is basically canceled.
By the time my head hits the pillow, I've mentally gone through my to-do list at least ten times to make sure I didn't forget something important. Am I going to get back out of my warm, cozy bed to deal with it? Absolutely not. But my brain still thinks now is the perfect time to remind me.
Then, just when I finally drift off, I suddenly have superhero hearing. The neighbor rolls in the trash cans. The dog starts dreaming she's chasing squirrels. Someone three houses away sneezes. I hear all of it.
And if all that doesn't wake me up... my body usually does.
For reasons known only to women over 40, there's a good chance I'll pop awake sometime around 3:17 AM. I'm not thirsty. I don't need to use the bathroom. Nothing made a noise. My brain simply decides it's time to start thinking about whether I should repaint the guest bathroom, make a dentist appointment, or what I am going to eat for breakfast.
Welcome to your 40s. You're not imagining it.
As women move through their 40s and into perimenopause and menopause, hormones begin changing. Estrogen and progesterone, which both play a role in healthy sleep, start fluctuating.
Which means you may experience:
- Waking up several times a night
- Falling asleep just fine... but staying asleep? Good luck.
- Night sweats
- Hot flashes
- Restless sleep
- More anxiety at bedtime
- Feeling tired all day but suddenly wide awake at 9:30 PM
Basically, your body starts freelancing.
What Is Sleep Hygiene?
No, it's doesn't mean you need to shower before you go to bed. Sleep hygiene simply means creating habits that help your brain recognize it's time to sleep. Think of it as giving your body fewer excuses to keep you awake.
Small Changes That Help
Break Up With Your Phone
I know, you're just checking one email. Then somehow you've watched a woman organize her pantry into rainbow order and now it's midnight.
The blue light from screens tells your brain it's still daytime, making it harder to produce melatonin, the hormone that helps you fall asleep.
Try putting your phone down 30 to 60 minutes before bed. Yes, we know, easier said than done, but just try it.
Afternoon Coffee
If you're wondering why you're staring at the ceiling at midnight, that innocent 4 PM coffee might be part of the problem.
Caffeine has an average half-life of about 5–6 hours in healthy adults. That means if you drink a cup of coffee containing 200 mg of caffeine at 3:00 PM, here's roughly what happens:
- 3:00 PM: 200 mg enters your system
- 9:00 PM: About 100 mg is still in your system.
- 3:00 AM: About 50 mg is still in your system.
Full disclosure, I'm writing this while drinking a 3:00 PM cup of coffee. So if you're feeling judged, don't. Maybe something we can work on together.
Cool Rooms = Better Sleep
Most people sleep best in a cool room. In fact, sleep expert Matthew Walker, author of Why We Sleep, says the sweet spot is around 67°F. Cooler temperatures help signal your body that it's time to wind down and stay asleep.
Unfortunately, Mother Nature didn't get the memo for women over 40... because one minute you're freezing under three blankets, and the next you're convinced you're spontaneously combusting.
Keep a Routine
As much as we hate to admit it, our bodies thrive on consistency. Going to bed at midnight one night and 9:30 the next is basically giving your brain a mini case of jet lag.
Try to go to bed around the same time every night, even on the weekends.
I know. This one is hard. I'm guilty of staying up "just one more episode" more times than I'd like to admit. But I challenge you to give it a try for a couple of weeks. Your future, well-rested self will thank you.
Evict the Mental To-Do List
For some reason, bedtime is when our brains decide it's the perfect time to remember everything we needed to-do that day. It creates more and more anxiety as your brain is doing backflips to remember everything you missed that day.
Keep a notebook by your bed, not your phone, and write them down.
That Glass of Wine...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news...
While alcohol might make you feel sleepy, it often leads to poorer-quality sleep and more middle-of-the-night wake-ups.
So if you're waking up at 3:00 AM wondering why, your evening glass of Cabernet may deserve a little side-eye.
A Quick Word About Melatonin
When sleep gets difficult, it's tempting to think, "If 3 mg is good, then 10 mg must be better!" But that's actually not how melatonin works. Melatonin isn't a sleeping pill, it's a hormone that tells your brain it's time to wind down. More doesn't necessarily mean better sleep.
In fact, taking too much melatonin can leave you feeling groggy the next morning, cause vivid dreams, headaches, or even make your sleep feel more restless.
For many adults, lower doses (around 1-3 mg) are often just as effective, and sometimes more effective, than higher doses. The goal isn't to knock yourself out; it's to gently signal to your body that it's bedtime.
As always, check with your healthcare provider before starting any new supplement, especially if you're taking other medications or have underlying health conditions.
When Is It More Than Just "Getting Older?"
If you're consistently struggling with sleep, snoring heavily, gasping for air, feeling exhausted every day, or insomnia is affecting your daily life, it's worth talking with your healthcare provider.
Sometimes there's more going on than hormones, and you don't have to just "live with it."
One Last Thing...
Sleep after 40 may never be quite what it was in our 20s, and that's okay.
We're smarter, more confident, and hopefully a little kinder to ourselves. We may need a few extra things these days like a cool room, a supportive pillow, and maybe a little magnesium. Quality sleep is still one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.
Take care of your sleep, and your body will thank you for it. Sweet dreams, ladies!
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